her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
