I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Every concussion has its silver lining
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
