omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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