Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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