Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
as a side note pls kill me
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
