If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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