i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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