Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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