I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
