Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
