That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Randomize
