Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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