the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
