Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
