I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
