Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize