ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
