a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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