Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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