last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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