sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We had sex on a dog bed..
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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