i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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