You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
