I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
