1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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