YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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