Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize