he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm like, not good at living.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
