i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
