I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
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