Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
