Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
