I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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