yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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