I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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