dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
