Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
