Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
