Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
