nut hugger
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
