thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
