if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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