haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
