i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize