Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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