the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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