You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
