How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
