i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
