Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
