someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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