you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
