Duck Duck Cougar?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize