I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
