sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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