similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
