Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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