wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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