that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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