Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
