is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
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