so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
