Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
