Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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