if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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