I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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