So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I am mentally ready for anal.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
