Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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