Ketchup is God's man juice
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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