i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
