i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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