Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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