so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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