Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
