I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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