This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize