my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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