Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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