just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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