I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
