wakey wakey hands off snakey
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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