I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
