Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You ruined the universe
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
