She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
