i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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