We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
