wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
